Saturday, April 9, 2011

Witnessing broken pieces

Date & Time: 10th April 2011 (Sunday) 3.08am
Location: My Secret Place
Mood: In Pieces
Song Playing: The Script - For the First Time

Sitting alone here....as usual this place is quiet and lonely....only the moon and the stars to keep me company....for all the memories held in this beautiful, peaceful place....gave me a nostalgic feeling....shadows from the past...tried to haunt me....making me feel gloomier than i oreadi am....

My heart didnt stop breaking....from earlier on...till this moment....yeap...its broken again...when at the beginning of the year...i promised my heart that i will be extra careful with it....now...its broken again...i shudn't have mended it and give it to someone who didnt bother in the 1st place....now dat all has been done....only left me feeling dumb and stupid...

What else is there...? Only silence...only me...alone....unaccepted in every way possible...shud have known...all the care, the words, the touch, the feel...were illusions...if rite now i were to show u my scarred heart....i know u won't take a glimpse of it.....

i admit...on the earlier part of the story....i didnt want to breathe u in....i was scared...my greatest fear after walking the earth for 28 yrs...was love....after which....slowly....i saw...u showed so many things dat made me wanna take the hand u offered with the most sincere trust i had in u.....finally...i feel...accepted....my heart shouts "He wants to walk with me....! Someone is here to shine a ray of light in my path of life.....! This is it...! Thank u God...!"

Now....i'm standing on the same path....but with darkness surrounding me instead of the ray of light....trying to make my way back home....more like dragging my feet than really walking....trying my best to hold up my head....but all i cud do is look at the ground....eyes filled with tears....and after a while....can't even see the ground i'm dragging my feet on.....

For the many times this happens.....the hurt and pain i feel becomes greater than the one b4....i'm only waiting for it to make me go insanely crazy....No words cud express it all....only sounds...the sound of my heart crying...."Please stop..! Please dun make me feel this again...! Its gonna break me....!"

Helplessly....i say...too late....i'm sorry...i only have myself to blame for this....i shud have known i'm never good enough for anyone....i'm sorry i put u out there as the sacrifice....i promise i'll put u back together nicely someday...when i'm ready...